When look back after 19 moths I notice how big crisis I lived and how big life exams passed. I still not sure if I passed them or not but semohow those days already gone and thniking the empty side of the glass does not gain me anything better, besides tears.
At home life isn't easy. After the kids borned everything changed. Since then I don't have speacial time and not able to make team members happy.
My pregancy was no so good and during it doctors said many bad things and risky stuations about my twins. They borned on wk 33th and staied in incubator for a while. Those days have gone very difficult. I shouted & cried even had pyhsical chririsis.
Then 2 months later while interested in one of them at bedroom the other one moved at drop into ground from very high bad. I think I lost my 10 years at that moment. nad not so far, after 2 days later, my father passed away. We noticed some problem with my other baby during this time but doctors didn't say anaything at the begining. While she as 1 year old, she diagnosed as CP. A nightmare started for me. I was already hypochondriac person and became worse. We are still getting physical thereapy and try to find something to smile with her every little progress. Sometimes I'm trying to look from a different point. She is forsure also very good gift from the God as well as her sister and everything is welcome about them.
My job is horrible becuase I'm not the career step as it should be and I can't be the one of those who can live with less than it can be. If I don't grow then I dwindle, and if I'm seeing as a looser by the other than I effected and starting self-pity. Although I read many books about self motivation & watch similar things, and join courses such as Reiki etc. I didn't effected from any of them.
Today, I feel that it is time to change many things. So, it is time to stand up again and start everyhting from the begining. The only left question is how will I find my inner passion again since as it seems it is deeply down somewhre in me. I must dig and find it because I'm a mother and my daughterhs need me as much as possbile, like I always need my mother to talk, fight, discuss, and love... I started to look for coaching trainings; so I can start a new page in my career sector, and i can move from the house that I never loved. I also follow Jenny's blog and start to write donw the thing only I can do. Life is a challange but also the place where good things happen.
22.08.17
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder